PODCAST GROUP: Lucas, Tessa, Avelyn, and Emma 

SUBJECT: Respect

INTERVIEWEES:

 

SECTION 1: LUCAS WHITTLE

 

INTERVIEW: Todd Whittle (Father)

 

Our first guest is one of the three people who, I would say, have probably been most influential on developing me into the man I am today.  That would make since because I spent the first 18 years of my life under his roof.  That’s my old man, Todd Whittle.  Just to give you a little background on my father, he was raised on a small farm in Salem, Kentucky.  He is the oldest son of a ceramic tile installer and salesman and his mother worked at a local retail store.  Dad grew up the only son with four younger sisters.  To say that hard work was instilled in him as a young man would be an understatement.  Like many others who have grown up in our area, working on a farm was just part of life and you don’t think twice about it.  You get up before school, get your chores done, go to school, and when you get home, the process continues.  Work ethic like this, I feel, has a large impact on how the respect truly is viewed and I think you will see this as the interview proceeds.  So lets go ahead and get started.

Lucas:  Dad, thanks for joining us this morning.  How are you doing?

 

Todd:  Doing fine son.

 

Lucas:  The central theme of this podcast is gonna be respect.  So I have a series of questions that really tie into what your perspective of respect is.  So lets go ahead and get started.  The first question I have is what is your definition of respect, what is respect to you?

 

Todd:  Well respect to me son is, I guess would probably be best defined as an admiration of an individual organization based upon either that person or organization as a whole but it can also even be pointed more toward an individual trait of that individual or organization.  I guess to further explain that there are people that I respect their honesty but I do not respect a particular view they have on things.  So I guess that’s the best way I can explain my version of respect.

 

Lucas:  So respect to you would be an admiration of those good traits but also those bad traits at the same time.

 

Todd:  I think it could be defined as that, yes.

 

Lucas:  So that brings us to our next question, do you see respect to be more important now in your life, or say when you were my age 30 years ago?

 

Todd:  I really don’t see it as any more important, but you also have to understand my background.  My parents, your grandparents, brought me up in an environment where respect was expected.  Not only expected, but demanded.  And that trait carries on with me.

 

Lucas:  So you say respect was demanded from you growing up.  How important do you think that was in the development of your character?

 

Todd:  Well I think it was very important.  I was taught to respect others even when I disagree with them.  Or when my values seemed to differ from their values.  That respect that I was taught allowed me to listen to those views and appreciate where I might agree with someone on certain areas.  And that I may disagree with them as a whole.  So I think it was very important.  My upbringing in the establishment of my character.

 

Lucas:  Do you think that my generation really has a skewed view of this?  It seems like to me that often times, and I’m even guilty of this, that we demand people respect our opinion yet we don’t respect the opinions of others.

 

Todd:  I think the difference in your generation and my generation can be pointed out that I will often look for common areas we can agree on and focus on those areas. Where as the current generation appears to look for ways to disagree with one another and focus on those areas of disagreement rather than focus on those areas that we have common ground.  To me that is a component of respect that I rarely see in todays generation.

 

Lucas:  Do you think that is something that comes with age, or are we just over jumping that and overlooking that?

 

Todd:  I don’t know that I agree that it comes with age, I think it has an influence on it.  That comes more from changes in cultural norms.

 

Lucas:  So are you saying that this lack of respect has almost become a social norm in our culture?

 

Todd: I think that would be an accurate statement, son.

 

Lucas:  So this leads into my last question for you, and I think you kind of touched on this earlier.  Do think that respect is innate in human nature?  Are we born with the ability to respect? Or is it something we learn over a lifetime?

 

Todd:  I think in general respect is a trait that we learn.  WE either learn it through experience and/or a combination of being taught by our elders.

 

Lucas:  So it is a nature vs. nurture thing?

 

Todd:  I would agree with that.

 

Lucas:  So you are saying it is of your opinion that the learning of respect really is a process and it is not just innate.  Dad I want to think you for joining us.

 

Todd:  Thank you son, it was a privilege speaking with you.  

 

Lucas: I have had the respect conversation it seems like a thousand times over my 22 years but never from this exact perspective. I really enjoyed discussing this topic with him, and probably the coolest thing that really stuck out to me was was when he said what he felt separated our two generations in reference to the ideal of respect.

 

 Dad said that he felt his generation was more apt to look to find common ground with others, while my generation-our generation- seems to want to find areas of disagreement to argue and protest about. Is this something that comes with age?  Dad seemed to think not, and I feel that I would agree. I would pose rather, that seeking to find common ground and showing respect of their opinion when you disagree with someone is not an age associated thing, but rather a maturity associated thing.

 

 Further support of this is represented in Dads opinion that respect isn’t something were born with, rather its something we learn and develop over time through what I called in the interview, nurture over time, but what I think a Confucian would call practice.  Its really cool to me to see how a 50 something year old man who was raised in a First Baptist Church and lived in a rural community for his entire life can have thoughts similar to that of many of the teachings of eastern philosophy, particularly those of Confucius.  Dad has the opinion that respect is something that is learned, not always present in human nature.  I believe Confucius would say the same thing.  Confucius teaches that the path to a favorable rebirth, and the chance of enlightenment is a lifelong process.  To attain a virtue such as respect, it is a process that takes much discipline and time, its not just present from birth.  This is one of the key differences between the teachings of Confucius and the perspective presented by Daoists.  My father also expressed the opinion that he thought age really doesn’t play the huge determining role in the presence of the virtue of respect.  In our discussion, what I interpreted him to be saying is that age isn’t the major key determining factor, rather it is maturity.  So while a man or woman may be 40 or 50, this doesn’t necessarily mean they posses more respect than say a 22 year old, but it still does have a certain role because older people have more life experiences.  The teachings of Confucius really align with this as well.  Look at what he says in chapter 9.22, here Confucius says, “Surely there are some sprouts that fail to flower, just as surely as there are some flowers that fail to bear fruit!”  This Analect can be applied directly to what my Dad is saying about respect.  Some sprouts, no matter how long they sit on the ground, fail to flower.  They fail to mature.  They never attain this virtue of respect, no matter how old they are.  

 

SECTION 2: TESSA BLEVINS

 

INTERVIEW: President of Kappa Delta Sorority at the University of Kentucky, Hannah Clendenin

 

TESSA: Respect surrounds leaders. They are never outside of its realm. In everything they do, in every relationship they build, it’s there. Respectfulness, as shown by my two interviewees, is one of the most important traits a great leader can have; it leads to both selflessness in action and fairness in decision-making, and the opportunities that arise from the respect of persons are immeasurable. The first is the President of Kappa Delta Sorority at the University of Kentucky, Hannah Clendenin. She’s a senior from right outside DC majoring in communications and criminal justice. 

 

I first asked her how her idea of respect has changed as she moved positions from member to Vice President of Member Education to her role now as President and her answer revolves around other’s consistently growing respect for her; the reason she believes she fell into these positions was because of the respect other people held for her as a person, as a council member, and then finally, as a leader. 

 

HANNAH: I think it’s definitely different. As a regular member I think I started to gain respect as people got to know me and thought that I was genuine and down to Earth and easy to get along with, and I think that kinda started to build a reputation and in turn, people respected me for it. So, I think that respect that people had for me as a regular member led to me being encouraged to go after leadership positions. When I wanted to run for Member Education, people respected me and wanted me to do that, too. Once I was elected they expected me to make the right decisions and to do a good job and I think that leads to support- when people respect you, they want to be a part of what you are doing. I had a lot of support, changing from the respect of people enjoying me and who I was to respecting what I was doing.

 

TESSA: Do you, in turn, respect yourself more now that you are in a leadership position?

 

HANNAH: I mean, I think leadership positions kind of open your mind up to other people’s situations. It kind of makes your world bigger because when you aren’t in a leadership position, you don’t have to be thinking of other people, you don’t have to be conscientious or respectful of other people as much, you just have to kind of worry about yourself. But when you are a leader in an organization of, I mean we have 270ish members, and so you kind of have to respect other people, what they’re going through, what kinds of things they are involved in outside of the organization you’re leading and you have to respect their feelings, what they feel about what you’re doing, any suggestions they might have. I think leadership positions, I don’t know if it forces you to respect other people, but if you want to be a good leader you do have to respect everyone. Most leaders that want to do a good job and that care about the organization, it’s just kind of an automatic respect that you feel for the people you’re leading.

 

TESSA: Her answer was reminiscent of the motif of practice valued by almost all of the different philosophical schools studied this semester, including Confucianism. This particular school centers around respect for others and respect for ritual, both of which include practice. The very first verse in the Analects states: “The Master said, ‘To learn and then have occasion to practice what you have learned—is this not satisfying?’” the following verses all contain actions to practice, traits to build, and a state to strive for. In verse 12.5, it is plainly stated that the most virtuous man, the gentleman, is respectful. But neither the gentleman nor Hannah ascended their high positions without first practicing respect. 

My next question for her was if she felt a kind of respect that differs from a parent/child, teacher/student, or friend to friend relationship since being the President of an organization involves a leader/follower dyanamic. 

 

HANNAH: In this position, as president of an org of 270ish members, it’s like you are a representative, more than anything, for the chapter because I interact with leaders on campus and administration on campus, I interact with our national organization, which is a big governing body of so many chapters across this country. But I think that I am a representative for the chapter so I think the respect, you know, at the beginning it was because of who I was, then the next leadership position I had, it was respect because of what I was doing, and I think now it is respect because they know that I am trying to represent them as best I can. I think it is a respect that they are okay with me representing the chapter to everyone, to the world. So, yeah, I guess it’s different than a family member or friend, it’s like you are our representative and we respect you and your decision-making abilities. We trust that you are going to do the right thing, type of thing. But it is kind of complicated because I am friends with many of the people in the chapter, so there is a type of friend-respect level type thing, but there is also a business respect, if that makes sense.

 

TESSA: Hannah focuses on how leaders are more than anything a representation of their respective organizations, which reminded me of our class discussion about having both Buddha and Confucius name their practices after themselves. This gives them sole representation for everything they teach and everything they stand for and also presents them with an even greater reason to be respectful in their actions as well as their teachings, since all eyes are on them. Verse 14.42 of the Analects states, “He cultivates himself in order to achieve respectfulness.” Leaders, in general, have to display a certain amount of ethos by practicing and cultivating respect, which may take some time. Once they arrive at that point, however, that respect is loyal and lasting; more people know about Confucius and Buddha now than when these great leaders were alive many years ago. 

 

The last question I asked Hannah was if she has gained more respect for herself throughout the process of becoming and being the President of her sorority. Now that she is a leader herself, she mentions that she has more respect for them in general because they live to serve their followers. She also mentions how she wasn’t sure about being President but it’s worked out thus far. 

 

HANNAH: It’s interesting, this is a volunteer position (I don’t get paid) but it is a 24/7, I think it’s a job. I don’t want to be paid, I’m fine with that, but it is- I just respect leaders that give so much to their organizations. I don’t know if I didn’t respect them before, but I just have- we connect know, we understand that 24/7, you are giving to your organization, you are available if someone needs you (something like that). So yeah, I think I’ve gained quite a bit of respect for leaders, in general, what it takes to be a leader. Definitely respect for myself, too, I mean I didn’t doubt that I could do these things, but I never thought that I would be in this type of position, I never thought that I would be selected or encouraged to run for something like this, and I didn’t think that it would go well. I didn’t think that I would be elected and then it would be like, “Okay! This ship is still floating!” But I’ve been thrown into all sorts of things that I was unsure about, but it went well and now everything’s fine, so I think I’m like, “Okay! You can do it,” you know, respect for myself. It kind of builds a little confidence that you can do things, you know, and not have the experience or not know what’s going to happen in the end but you can still do it. 

 

INTERVIEW: Jeffrey White, the Executive Director of a local Lexington non-profit, the Nest

 

TESSA: Mutual respect is an important aspect of Confucius’ teachings; he demonstrates outstanding respect for his followers along with the rest of his colleagues and superiors, while his disciples demonstrate great respect for him, as well. The same pattern is present with the Buddha and his many followers, especially with the repetition of saluting the “Blessed One,” which is a respectful and polite name for Buddha, then bowing, and sitting down to one side next to him each time anyone desires to converse. This mutual respect is just as important to my second interviewee, Jeffrey White, the Executive Director of a local Lexington non-profit, the Nest. It serves as a center for women, children, and families with four programs to help those in need in the community. I have never witnessed so much mutual respect and selflessness in one place. 

My first question for him asked about the different forms of respect he witnessed at the Nest on a daily basis. He mentions mutual respect and its significance here.

 

JEFFREY: Okay Tessa, so respect actually is coming from both sides. Obviously, we don’t judge when people come here with their situations so we respect them for who they are and why they’re coming here and I think that the clients that come in respect us because of the good work we do and our availability to help them.

TESSA: My second question for him was if he felt more respect for himself since his position is the Executive Director and he generously emphasizes the role that his staff has in the running of the Nest since they interact with the clients on a day-to-day basis. He also mentions the ways he shows them respect as their leader. 

 

JEFFREY: I actually, to be honest with you, The Nest is really about all the staff and the direct contact. They’re the ones that see the clients on a day-to-day level. I give all the respect to them because of their time and energy that they give to these clients, they give 180% and they work hard for each and every individual here at the Nest.

 

TESSA: So how do you- you said you gave them that respect- how do you show them that?

 

JEFFREY: Yes, oh my gosh! Well, one of the things is I’m not a micromanager, so I really let them have control of their- obviously we have four programs here- so I let them take charge and I empower them because I do believe in what they’re doing. I empower them to make decisions and to interact with the clients. I trust each and every one of them because I’ve seen them on a daily basis and how they perform and I think that’s one way, that I really respect their position and I also respect the input that they give.

 

TESSA: Servant leadership, like Jeffrey mentions in his answer, is a big proponent of Daoism. In chapter sixty-seven of the Daodejing, Laozi states “Those who never dare to put themselves first in the world can become leaders of the various officials”. It also mentions selflessness of sages as a model to follow in chapter twenty-two: They do not make a display of themselves and so are illustrious. They do not affirm their own views and so are well known. They do not brag about themselves and so are accorded merit. They do not boast about themselves and so are heard of for a long time.” The sages are humble, unobtrusive, and just like Jeffrey and his unselfish attitude toward his staff and his clients, respectful. 

The third question I asked was if he saw the dynamic of his position as having a different kind of respect than you’d find in relationships with parents, friends, or even teachers and students. 

 

JEFFREY: I think when you’re in a relationship of that sort, I think you know the individual in some sort, so I think each other knows their barriers, they know each other well enough to know what respect level that each one has for each other. When clients come to the Nest, a lot of them have not seen us before, have not met us before, and it’s very difficult to instill trust or respect right away, and I think that’s one thing we do well. We take the time to spend with each client, so they do respect how we’re trying to help them. I guess the best way how we’ve always said, is that we treat all of our clients with respect, concern and understanding. 

 

TESSA: His answer brought up the Confucian practice motif mentioned earlier: for Jeffrey and his staff to gain respect from their clients, they must first practice trust and understanding in order to arrive at that respectful destination. 

The last question I asked was in what light Jeffrey himself viewed his position. 

 

JEFFREY: I don’t know if I would call it respect, it’s kind of (if I can use this term) a blessing for me. My background is human resources in banking! I never thought I would be in this world, but it’s really made my whole life. To be able to help people on a daily basis really really brings a lot of joy to my life. I guess from that, I really respect the profession of the non-profit because it really is a very challenging area. I wish everybody could see this room Tessa’s in right now! But like I said, it is very challenging, very rewarding. I would say that I do respect this profession as a whole. To be in a non-profit takes a very unique individual, especially to stick with it.

 

TESSA: Although the Confucian ideal of tradition and the Daoist ideal of individuality are in conflict with each other in their respective teachings, they almost mesh together in the anomaly of Jeffrey White. In the traditional sense, Jeffrey is the Executive Director, running the operations, financials, and keeping The Nest afloat, but he as an individual is loved, respected, and involved in everyone’s lives, client or coworker, at the Nest. 

Neither Hannah nor Jeffrey expected to be President of KD or the Executive Director of the Nest, yet the opportunities presented themselves from the respect others had for them as people. Now that they’ve settled into their positions, they both experience more respect from others on a day-to-day basis and also have more respect for others that hold the same positions as they do. Like I said before, respect surrounds leaders. 

 

SECTION 3: AVELYN HELTZEL

 

INTERVIEW: Luis Dominguez, Artistic Director of the Lexington Ballet

 

 

INTERVIEW: Mazie (Grandmother of Emma Butler)

 

Emma: Do you feel it’s a child’s responsibility to care for their parents as they age?

 

Mazie: I do, if possible. They need to do that I believe.

 

Emma: So does that mean they should visit often, or that the child should visit them? Elaborate on what you mean by care for them.

 

Mazie: Living with them if they don’t have to live with them, I think it’s good if they don’t. But I do think they should check on them periodically and do the work the parent can’t do if they can and have time.

 

Emma: In Confucian philosophy, filial piety is a virtue of respect for one’s parents and elders. What are some things you consider disrespectful when it comes to parent/child relationships?

 

Mazie: Disrespectful is mostly mouthy, I think they should talk to their parents with respect and hold them in high regard.

 

Emma: How has your view on respect for parents changed as you’ve gone from daughter to mother to grandmother?

 

Mazie: I’m not sure it’s changed at all. I do believe when you walk in someone else’s shoes, as in grandparents, I wish I had done some things better. Because when I was young, they were older, I didn’t see things the way they saw them and I wish I had done it better but I think I did it as well as I could. And I think that people should always respect their elders.

 

INTERVIEW: Kevin Butler (father of Emma Butler)

 

Emma: Do you feel it’s a child’s responsibility to care for their parents as they age?

 

Kevin: I don’t feel it’s necessarily a child’s responsibility. However, I think that they should care for their parents only because I think that if you teach them properly they actually will respect you and feel the need to take care of you as you age. But as a society, I mean, what if the parent wasn’t quite the parent they could’ve been, does that mean the child has to take care of them? They could’ve treated them quite poorly but I think as a kid, you know your parent is your parent so in the end you will take care of them> I think if you raise kids properly they will take care of you but it’s not necessarily their responsibility to have take care of you.

 

Emma: In Confucian philosophy, filial piety is a virtue of respect for one’s parents and elders. What are some things you consider disrespectful when it comes to parent/child relationships?

 

Kevin: Well in our house we actually encourage open thought, so disrespect would not mean disagreement. But I think as a parent you’re certainly obligated to lay down guidelines and rules for your children to follow, and if they look at those guidelines and rules and determine that they want to do something outside those boundaries and they make a logical argument, then those rules can be bent. However, if you have had that conversation, they relent and continue to push the boundaries I think that’s disrespectful of your decision. I think that if you know how your parents, things that they do and don’t want you to do and you choose do defy them I think that’s disrespectful. I think the most disrespectful thing is to do something they don’t know and don’t tell them, so people around the family know that you're doing it and it’s almost like they’re losing face and they don’t even know it.

 

Emma: What did you do while raising your children to help teach them to respect you and other adults?

 

Kevin: When I was a child basically it was speak when you’re spoken to and you don’t talk unless somebody talks to you. Actually, right before my age that was really the case then as I was coming through it wasn’t quite as strong.However, when I looked at how to raise our children it was teaching that to respect everyone. My motto is respect everyone, fear no one and what i mean by that is certainly you should respect authority, you should respect those that are in authoritarian positions. But those people that get in those positions aren’t always worthy of where they are, so it’s okay to question. So, my overriding to my generation and to my children was respect everyone, wether it’s a classmate, a taxi driver, a teacher, you should respect everyone. You should certainly respect the position, you certainly have the right to question what’s going on but not to be rebellious. My estimation is that as long as you’re respectful to other people you will respect those in power but you do have the opportunity to question those demanding that they need respect just because of their position.

 

INTERVIEW: Meg (friend)

 

Emma: Do you feel it’s a child’s responsibility to care for their parents as they age?

 

Meg: I’d say yes, I’m currently in a discussion class about aging, so we’ve talked a lot about what to do when people like our parents are aging and the growing elderly population because of the baby boomers. I mean there comes a point where they can’t take care of themselves and if not their children, who else is going to take care of them? So i think, for sure.

 

Emma: Do you think it’s a form of disrespect to put them in a nursing home?

 

Meg: No, I don’t. I’m a little biased because my dad actually runs nursing homes so I know the benefits of it. I understand having a nurse or maybe someone to watch them is nice but that can be really expensive. But there comes a point when people are just so elderly that they just can’t take care of themselves and they have to have someone watching them at all times and i think nursing care facilities give them a place where, because their children still have to go to work so they need to have someone to watch them to make sure they’re not going to fall down the stairs and really hurt themselves. Or when you think about patients with things like dementia, you know, you don’t want them to get lost or confused or have no one to help them. So I think there’s definitely a benefit in that, I think it eventually comes to the point where you need to put them in that sort of facility.

 

Emma: In Confucian philosophy, filial piety is a virtue of respect for one’s parents and elders. What are some things you consider disrespectful when it comes to parent/child relationships?

 

Meg: I think any time kids, not to say I don’t argue with my parents, but any time a parent want’s their kids to do something that’s not over the top like doing the dishes, I think when kids blow up at them for that, I think that’s not a good way to respect your parents. So I think that following their instructions and just not being a jerk about it.

 

Emma: So it’s still respectful to disagree with something they tell you to do if it’s a bigger aspect of your life?

 

Meg: I think so, yeah. And I think goes into parents also having respect for their children. I think you’re not respecting your child if you tell them to do one thing but you’re not taking into account their wants and their needs.

 

Emma: Do you think that your parents’ views on what is respectful differ from your views on what’s respectful and how?

 

Meg: I think some things are changing, I think my generation, our generation, is a little more laid back in a lot of ways. Me and my mom will argue about if I wear makeup when I go out, that’s like one of our big arguments. I think she sees it as disrespectful if you don’t do your makeup and hair to go out. And not to say that it’s not okay to do your makeup and hair and everything but I think that’s one of the things that’s different is I don’t feel the need to do myself up completely to feel like I’m respecting another person and I feel like that was a think at one point.

 

Emma: Do you think that you’ll raise your kids different than your parents raised you in terms of respect?

 

Meg: I mean, I think I’ll raise my kids in a lot of the same ways because I get along with my parents, it’s not like they’re doing anything terribly bad. I think there are some small things I would change, like my parents really drove home you’re going to go to college and you’re going to do this with your life because that’s the best thing to do, I think I’m going to respect my child’s creativity in a way and make sure they’re following their passions instead of doing something just to get a job. Not that they shouldn't get a job because that really should be the end goal, they need to be able to survive. But I think I’m going to drive home the point that if you do what you’re passionate about and you’re in the top 10% of people who do that then you’re going to be successful. So I think I’ll focus more on them doing what they’re good at and what they like to do more that just go to college because that’s what everyone does.